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Post by Architect Pine on Mar 6, 2021 23:21:26 GMT
Docket 39876C
Charge: Invocation of ancient curse Charge: Incursion into Prime Material by Entity #427 "Gozer" Charge: Incursion into Prime Material by unknown extrusion of Old One "Individual #1"
Lead Interrogating Officer: Senior Agent #211 "Enoch" Interrogating Officer: Agent #242 "Esther"
Recording Adjutant: Archival System #4 "Jeremiah"
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Post by Architect Pine on Mar 6, 2021 23:59:00 GMT
Enoch - This is Senior Agent Enoch, badge number 211. I will be taking the lead in this investigation.
Esther - Agent Esther reporting, badge 242. Jeremiah, please note the docket number, charges, and your own identity for the record.
Jeremiah - <Noted, Agent Esther>
Enoch - This case is a mess. It looks like we have two rival cults who were working together until they fell out and leveled half of downtown in a monster brawl, under the cover of a construction company shell corporation. I'm seeing tax fraud, temporal intrusion, bribery, human sacrifice, arson, and summoning of illicit extradimensional entities, and that's just the tip of the iceberg.
Esther - Is there any chance their story is true? They're remarkably consistent about being ordinary folks who just got sucked into this against their will.
Enoch - Come on, Esther, I know you're pretty green when it comes to the big league violations like this, but come on. This didn't happen by accident. No, they clearly just had a cover story in place. more evidence of collusion, you ask me.
Jeremiah - <Agents, I should point out that hospital, travel, and financial records do indicate that there was significant evidence of an active business presence, including human resources, construction activities, and material requisitions.>
Esther - No, Jeremiah, Enoch is right. They may have put up a consistent front business, maybe even employing some shills to keep up the pretense, but no one is so incompetent as to "accidentally" summon not one but two major entities.
Enoch - Keep digging, Jeremiah, and run a diagnostic on your heuristic subsystems. Esther is young yet, but you shouldn't be taken in by such an obvious con.
Jeremiah - <Diagnostic in process...diagnostic complete. No fault detected, Senior Agent. I will refer the matter to Engineering.>
Enoch - You do that. Okay, let's get into it. Esther?
Esther - Yes, sir. Fourteen former employees of LSG Co. have already been interrogated and released by our colleagues in the uniform division. They knew little or nothing, and psi-probes on them were successful in verifying their interviews. Some shady characters, but nothing in our jurisdiction. Mostly, they pointed us to our main suspects.
Jeremiah - <Unfortunately, Senior Agent, all of the primary witnesses have been exposed to sigma wave-forms, and are shielded from mind scans. I have them queued up for interrogation. Shall I bring in the first?>
Enoch - Yeah, let's get on with this. I'd like to get out on time today. Xersephione in Astral Accountability just had another litter of spawn, and I'd like to swing by to pay my respects.
Jeremiah - <Loading first witness from cryo-detention...>
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Post by Architect Pine on Mar 7, 2021 0:15:18 GMT
Jeremiah - <Alias - Cleric. Fingerprinting indicates this individual is wanted in seventeen states for bank fraud, insurance fraud, marriage fraud, mail fraud, dog fraud, and impersonating a priest. Injured after a some kind of duel with one of the principal suspects just as the curse was triggering. Cleared of suspicion in the primary charges because he was hospitalized at the time.>
Enoch - Very good, Jeremiah. What does he have to say?
Vote 1: This was a really difficult choice. I think Avo aced the questions, and played a really good game. Avo was able to survive a lot of difficult situations thrown at him and was awesome to talk to. T&H also played a nice all-around game (as said by Bard). But Dark Rey surviving the Hole and making it to F3, is amazing. Ever since we started in the hole together, Dark Rey has impressed me in almost every regard, and it made me wonder why she was even voted out in the first place. I think Dark Rey was able to defy a lot of people's expectations as a returnee, and deserves my vote. The Vote:  Dark Rey |
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Post by Architect Pine on Mar 7, 2021 0:22:52 GMT
Jeremiah - <Alias - C-3PO & R2-D2. Apparently two separate artificial intelligences, extensive interface with Archival System #6 ("Zebediah") has revealed that the entity is in fact a single human consciousness, with two nodes piloted remotely via the preserved brain, stored in the shorter unit's housing. The nodes have been deactivated, and the brain entity remanded to the Experimental Medicine division. Cleared of suspicion due to lack of fine motor control in either node necessary for the somatic gestures of summoning.>
Vote 2:
All the finalists played well and are deserving of being in the final 3. This vote wasn't decided at the beginning of final tribal, but ultimately it came down to who presented the best case for why they deserved to win. Congratulations to all of you for a great game.
The Vote:  The Tortoise & The Hare. 1 - The Tortoise & The Hare 1 - Dark Rey |
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Post by Architect Pine on Mar 7, 2021 0:32:01 GMT
Jeremiah - <Name- Maggie Smith. Appears to not be an alias, this witness is actually named Maggie Smith. Known for...>
Esther - Wait, Maggie Smith? Like, DAME Maggie Smith?
Jeremiah - <Yes, records indicate the subject has been knighted in accord with the chivalric organization The Most Excellent Order of the British...>
Esther - I am SUCH a huge fan! Can we wake her up to talk about her films? What's Daniel Radcliffe like? Does she still have her wand? And...
Enoch - Esther. Get an autograph on your own time.
Jeremiah - <Ahem. Cleared of suspicion due to testing indicating a total lack of latent or active magical or supernatural abilities. Testimony to follow.>
Vote 3: I am absolutely delighted to be casting my vote for you two! Getting to read about your hydra synergy and how you utilised that to enact moves in the game was truly wonderful, and of all the ways for a Tortoise and Hare hydra to work out, I cannot think of a more fitting way than this. I wish I had succeeded in voting you out! Alas, I failed, and here you are.The Vote: The Tortoise & The Hare 2 - The Tortoise & The Hare 1 - Dark Rey |
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Post by Architect Pine on Mar 7, 2021 0:42:37 GMT
Jeremiah - <Alias: Bard. Believed to be responsible for a string of music store smash-and-grabs. On record as having pirated 1,322,898 songs in the heyday of Limewire and Napster. Cast out from the cult following a building collapse, apparently caused by one of our primary suspects in an intramural assassination attempt. Was investigated as a potential source of the attacking entity "Gozer," but analysis suggests that "Bard" lacks any kind of the vocal harmonics necessary for summoning.
Vote 4: I wrote up a big thing but I lost it! So you get it short and sweet now. Whoops.
My vote for the winner of Barely Survivor goes to...  AVOCADO 2 - The Tortoise & The Hare 1 - Dark Rey 1 - Avocado While I do not think you played the best game out of the finalists, I still think you did great and fought your heart out. I want to award heart in a game because it matters. You may have rubbed some the wrong way, it happens. I've been there. That does not take away from the fact that you give a genuine fuck about everyone here. That's something worthy of praise. Cheers, dude! |
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Post by Architect Pine on Mar 7, 2021 0:51:05 GMT
Jeremiah - <Alias: ...Bees? Apparently, the pause and querying inflection is a necessary part of the alias. Reason unknown. Appears to be an elemental force or spirit bound in the form of a swarm of honeybees, wanted for a series of 351 cases of anaphylaxis. All but one entity reported destroyed in an industrial pesticide accident. Final entity cleared of suspicion due to inability to turn pages in a spellbook owing to diminutive size.>
Enoch - ...Bees? Really?
Esther - Really, boss.
Vote 5: This game has been one hell of a journey, and I think the fact that we have 3 finalists with such drastically different playstyles and experiences is befitting the game we had. We have the firecracker who had a fairly traditional albeit intense path, we have the returnee who was queen of items, and we have a hydra who managed to keep doors open constantly. All of which have games that reflect what this game was. Avocado, nobody can say you didn't put your heart and soul into this. You always played this as hard as you could, and that is admirable. That being said, there were things that you did which weren't necessary for your survival. I think you were so in your head about being a target that you kept doing or saying things which never moved the target off of you. I consider that to be a flaw considering your awareness of yourself and other people in this game. I think from you I wanted some justification for why you felt so much of it was necessary, which I didn't quite get. There was a lot of discussion during this game about how "Avocado is just gonna Avocado" and I think that hurt you. Dark Rey, you do a lot of strategizing and planning, don't you? I think you know that your flaw tends to be your social connections, but we talked about this a little bit. There were a lot of times that we just weren't sure if you were going to log in, and every now and then it seemed you only messaged when you absolutely had to. That being said, I don't think anybody should ever count you being a returnee against you. I think you actually took that status and made into an asset. People were right to be scared of the returnees, but not for the reasons they kept selling. Y'all were fucking smart and scrappy. I think you especially were in an unfortunate situation, because in any other game, you don't get voted out and you get to play most of this game. But you didn't let the design of the game keep you down and out of contention. Tortoise and Hare, this game had several hydras, and I am far from surprised that you're the one who made it to the end. You played an incredibly smart game, you were a true melding of minds where you knew your strengths and covered each other's weaknesses. As far as hydra play goes, I think nobody could do it better. And I think the success you've had is an argument for including hydras as an option as a regular game feature rather than just a now and again moment. Even if you weren't dealing with the struggles that come from being a hydra, you played one of the best solid games I can recall seeing. You managed to be overlooked as a threat and protected, and you were a part of so many people's plans constantly. It takes real skill to manage that line. I know this is already very long, so hopefully this next bit will be faster. None of you had a perfect game. None of you had FTC performances that I looked at and instantly was like YES VOTE THAT GUY HELL YEAH. But I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing. Straight up before I get to any secret spoilery stuff, Avocado I think there were far too many instances where you were in trouble or targetted because of things you yourself did, and I don't think you're still alive in the game purely because of your own actions but rather you were kept in by other people to take focus, so I can't vote for you. So, either person I vote for will be a first ever kind of winner, and I think a game like this deserves something like that. Neither of you played a perfect game, you were both in trouble enough you could have gone home if not for some very interesting plays. But without further ado, I want to cast my vote for: Dark Rey. Your game had a lot of flaws. But you were part of the boogeyman trio and without some very specific plays that you made and items you used smartly, you wouldn't be sitting here at the end. And of the finalists, I feel like you had the most direct hand in your own survival. Some things didn't work out for you, but never so badly that you ever went back out of the game again. And in spite of your communication flaws, you managed to have enough with the right people to truly dominate this end game and I respect the hell out of that. 2 - The Tortoise & The Hare
2 - Dark Rey
1 - Avocado |
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Post by Architect Pine on Mar 7, 2021 0:57:02 GMT
Jeremiah - <Alias: Grogu. A minor Chaos entity adopted by the cult or cults, this entity was found sacrificed in the chambers below the battlefield. Its death was apparently used to fuel the summoning(s) which resulted in the partial or total destruction of at least 12 buildings and an estimated 85 civilian deaths. Not cleared of suspicion, but prosecution held in abeyance due to apparent Real Death. Testifying with us from Beyond thanks to cooperation from the Warlock and Spirit Division.>
Vote 6:
I appreciate all three finalists taking the time to answer questions. It genuinely did help me reach my decision. I'd also like to thank the jury for their comments, as it helped tremendously as well.
First thing's first: it became abundantly clear to me that Avocado had lost my jury vote several rounds before FTC, but his opening speech sealed the deal. At no point did anyone attack you in a way that was outside of the game, and yet you spent time in your opening jury speech not just attacking me the juror, but attacking me as a player outside the game. That's absolutely heinous and unacceptable to me. You later walked it back, but it's too little too late. I feel like you played a dirty game where you treated people like objects without feelings, then got upset people returned the favor. You know you lost my vote, there's not much point in beating a dead horse.
Moving on, I'm faced with two very different games.
There's a cutthroat, strategic, controlling game played by Rey. It was flashy and out in the open, but she lacked a compelling social game. There's also the argument that Rey shouldn't be allowed to win because she was a returnee who was voted out at one point. But god, could you be fucked to give a single shit, even in your closing speech? You're right that people have already made up their minds. But come on.
There's a social, under-the-radar game played by Hare. It wasn't flashy, and most of the game was completely out of Hare's control, but he had enough social connections to stay alive where it mattered.
I've been debating who has earned my vote more, and I think it comes down to a question that Bonobo asked. Bonobo asked about the nature of the hydra and what Tortoise did, specifically.
It got me thinking about how little Tortoise participated in this game, and how we're all judging T&H's performance strictly for what Hare did to carry that duo. A vote for Hare would, unfortunately, also be a vote for Tortoise to win the game as well. For all the complaints leveled at Rey for inactivity, bad social presence, and challenge performance... the same could be leveled at Tortoise, except even more egregiously.
Rey may have been voted out, but at least all her mistakes and victories are just that, her own. She played a fantastic controlling game, and despite its faults, she is the only reason she is at the end of the game. Tortoise is only here because he got carried by Hare the entire game, and voting to award both Tortoise and Hare with the coveted title of sole survivor seems cruel and unfair, and would do a disservice to those that fought their asses off to win the game before. Well played, Hare, sincerely. You should be proud.
But I'm going to have to cast the vote that would feel the best to call a winner.
 3 - Dark Rey 2 - The Tortoise & The Hare 1 - Avocado
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Post by Architect Pine on Mar 7, 2021 1:00:31 GMT
Jeremiah - <Alias: Bonobo. It is very unclear what occurred with this entity. It appears to have been a genetically-uplifted ape...>
Esther - Isn't that a monkey?
Enoch - I'm pretty sure Bonobos are apes.
Jeremiah - <Indeed, Bobobos are apes. Anyone saying different is deluded or lying to you. Anyway, Bonobo presented as an uplifted ape, but during a temporal infarction brought on by the cultists, it was "killed" and revealed its true nature as a massive extraterrestrial entity. It attempted to consume the cultists, but failed due to the infarction's reversal. Its offworld location has been confirmed by the Spatial and Temporal Division, which also provided its testimony.
Vote 7: First off, congratulations to all the finalists on a tremendous journey and a thank you to the mods for running such a tight ship, even if it wrecked a few too many times. For my vote tonight, I'll be happily voting for The Tortoise & The Hare. I believe they played a fantastic game in terms of managing the difficulties that might have arisen from being a hydra as well as balancing strategic decisions with perception. The only point where I felt like their position was precarious was the Red Tribe when I could have gone with the easy decision to side with Dave Thomas, The Founder of Wendys and the Lindseys and taken out The Tortoise & The Hare. After that moment, I never ever felt like taking them out was an option and they always managed their threat levels by ensuring there were people that would have taken the fall lined up before them. In addition to this, I believe they adequately fooled me into believing like I was their number one, like I was their ride or die. It's hard to pull that off and make it believable in a game like Survivor where everyone is constantly looking out for backstabbers. I always felt like when I reconnected with them, that they were so glad to see me as I was their one true friend in this game, but I've seen throughout their speeches and answers that they made other people feel exactly the same. They utilized the twists this game had to throw at them in order to get to the end and have played flawlessly. Good luck and I hope you win this game The Vote: The Tortoise & The Hare 3 - Dark Rey 3 - The Tortoise & The Hare 1 - Avocado |
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Post by Architect Pine on Mar 7, 2021 1:14:23 GMT
Jeremiah - <Alias: Dave Thomas, Founder of Wendy's. Alias: Dave Thomas, Mayor of Ponderosa. Alias: Haschel Cedricson. Real name: Al Barabbas. Al is known to law enforcement as one of the nation's most prolific arsonists. Also suspected of serial cattle interference, known to leave them in unusually square condition. Cleared of suspicion by our colleagues in mortal law enforcement, apparently was under surveillance at several key times.
Vote 8: Wow, what a fantastic FTC. Normally in a three-person FTC things crystalize into me deciding which of two players to vote for while the third isn't bad per se but is never realistically in the running for me. This time, opening speeches didn't do anything to narrow it down for me. You all also handled the questioning phase perfectly. Everybody had fantastic answers to every single question. So what is a fast food magnate to do? I want to use my Triangle and reward the best overall game. And yet even here I'm not sure how to pick a winner. All three of you did a fantastic job of succeeding in two of my three areas. Avocado had very strong Strategic and Structural games, picking the perfect moves to survive a dangerous high-visibility position and making good use of the game mechanics. Tortoise and Hare embody Strategic and Social, always well-liked, managing their threat level, and using reward items in a shockingly effective way to reclaim control of the game. And Dark Rey finishes the combination by mastering the Structural and Social elements, dominating the return from the Hole and reintegrating into a group that didn't have a chance to meet her until the game was halfway over. All three are impressive as hell, and all three are commendable. (Un)fortunately, the first cut is easy to make. At the beginning of FTC I stated that anybody calling me anything other than "Dave Thomas, Founder of Wendy's" or "Dave Thomas, Mayor of Ponderosa" would not get my vote. And sadly, one of you did that. You later edited your post, but I saw the original and the damage was done. It made me sad to see it and I literally said "Oh nooooo" out loud, but I fear I cannot vote for Avocado. So now what? I will truly be happy with whoever ends up winning this game. However, I am forced to vote for one person. And with candidates this close in merit, in the end I have to go with my gut. And in the end, I can't shake the feeling that I have to vote for [REDACTED]. I can't even explain why; that's how good all three of you were. That's my vote, though, final answer. The Vote, and WINNER OF BARELY SURVIVOR:  THE TORTOISE & THE HARE, CONGRATULATIONS! |
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Post by Architect Pine on Mar 7, 2021 1:24:18 GMT
Jeremiah - <Agents, that is all the testimony. I leave it to you to make the final determination.>
Esther - I don't know, I think they're all looking pretty guilty. Avocado, sure, but Dark Rey as well.
Enoch - Going to have to stop you there. The evidence is pretty clear. Those others may have some complicity, but it's clear that The Tortoise & The Hare were the ringleaders. Their performance throughout this case was dominant, and if we're going to seal anyone in dark crystal for all eternity, it's going to have to be them. The other two can rot in cryo-detention, but these guys are going in the vault.
The End...?
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